Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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