i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
