you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
