I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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