Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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