ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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