I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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