Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
