my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sorry my hands just texted you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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