It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
