The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
