i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
