no, he came in my armpit
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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