this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
