just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
