We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
