Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
