Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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