her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
