i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
