In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
