I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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