Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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