I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
