I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
