My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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