ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
