I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
