your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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