I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my liver is dry heaving
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
