direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
