Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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