This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
