I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A bitchslap is in order.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
