I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
