I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.