the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.