He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
