I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
