Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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