Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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