i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
