i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
