I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
