Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
His nipple licking is glorious
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