I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
