And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
