Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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