woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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