my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
