Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
