i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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