there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
