Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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