I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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