Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
