if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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