sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
