i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
