If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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