she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
