she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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