it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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