If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
