I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
